Bleeding Heart

We got the diagnosis in May. It was early Stage 4 with a 20% chance of survival past one year. At first we were all in denial, so it was like yes! We latched onto that 20% chance and rallied everybody to pray! We laid hands on her and got the church elders to anoint her with oil. That's supposed to be a surefire formula, right? We had her go for the surgery, and chemo and radiation and whatever else we could do to save her! And then we got that first remission and it was like "Praise the Lord!" "Our prayers worked!" "It's a miracle!" "A cure!" "We beat the odds!"
Looking back I realized that putting her through all that was the wrong thing. It was more for all of us, so we could stay in denial and hold onto some hope. It really just gave us more time to come to terms with what was happening. But it caused her to suffer more, that's for sure.
At the end, watching her go downhill over the last two months, it was horrifying. But you had to cover up your horror and be cheerful and encouraging. Watching her fade and suffer and being helpless to stop it, I felt like I was bleeding out inside.

She died in February, 10 months after she was diagnosed.

She was my [sister/daughter/mother/wife].
And now I feel drained
First Cut Is The Deepest Blue



Bleed 1
Bleed 2
Bleed 3