Hammered Heart

This battered, weather-beaten, leaky old thing is starting to corrode.

Hi, my name is Ben Hammered, and I'm an alcoholic. I've been in AA for 20 years. I hit bottom and found the group and found my Higher Power. I've stayed on the wagon for up to 8 years one time. I had a beer in my hand and I looked at myself in the rear view mirror and all of a sudden I was crying and upset. I just had this realization that my life was falling apart.

Something happened when I looked at that rear view mirror. I saw the scrapes all across my forehead from where this guy had pulverized me. When I looked into that mirror, I realized that I had become the man that I had sworn I would never to become. See, both my parents had been alcoholics. Now I was failing at being self-employed and that was a tremendous goal in my life, to be successful at business. I had three children and I was failing at being a father. I knew if I didn’t change my ways, everything that I wanted out of life was going to completely fall to pieces if I didn’t pull my act together. And that morning, I made a call to AA. I may be battered and worn but I'm working the program now and most days I succeed.

Other days I'm just tired, and I wonder what this is all about.

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