Heartburn

He said he would never leave us. That divorce was never right and that he would always stay with us and not be a deadbeat dad. He was an amazing songwriter; he had such sensitivity and insight. You've heard some of his songs I know and they're wonderful. And his journals that I've been reading are really deep. He was a beautiful soul.

I mean I know he struggled with depression. After I learned what it was in college I could see the symptoms in him. But when somebody is that artistic and sensitive you just assume some of that introverted behavior is because of their creativity. My mom just thought he was "moody,” and since he didn't want counseling, we all just made the best of it.

You take the good with the bad you know?

When my mom called and told me that he'd committed suicide, I was at first just shocked. Then I got sad. Then I got angry. I feel like he betrayed us. Even though he never got a divorce he still broke his promise to never leave us. He's not a deadbeat dad, he's just a DEAD dad! And it was a really selfish thing to do. If he'd really cared about us he would have gotten more help for his crazy thinking.

This is hard for me to talk about, because I also feel shame and guilt, like there was something we all should have done or said to help him not feel the way he did. It's not fair to leave us with this.

I feel burned.



Heartburn 1
Heartburn 2
Heartburn 3