Into a million pieces. I don't know where they are, or how to find them or retrieve them, or begin to put this all back together. I don't know what "back together" looks like.

When I first heard the news reports about a shooting at the school my mind just went blank. I called my wife and said to wait until I got there and we'd go over to the school together.

Pray pray pray pray pray is how my mind raced. Pray she's Ok she's ok she's ok she's ok. Pray she's ok. God God God God God let her be ok.

They herded us into a building nearby and started collecting names. Hours went by. Lists were posted. They kept bringing kids in and their parents would rush to them and cry and hug them. Other parents were sent off to the hospital. Hours went by. We began to crack, inside and out. Sick. In the bottom of our stomachs. My wife was vomiting. Hours went by. There were 20 of us left. Then, the officer came and told us.

We were shattered. Violently, into a million pieces. I don't know where all the pieces are? How can we find them? How can we put anything back together? This? Inside of me?

This will never be beautiful again.

Shattered 1
Shattered 2
Shattered 3