Aging rural woman, tired and distressed

That farm was in my Daddy's family for over 150 years. I grew up playing in the barn and the fields. We took it over when Daddy died and worked it, and for 20 years we made a good living from it. Didn't get rich, but it put food on the table for our 5 kids and us and we had a pretty good life. We had to take out a mortgage on it in order to finance a new tractor, which we sorely needed - you can't run a farm these days without a good tractor. We needed some other machinery as well. It was all going OK for a while until we had 3 summers in a row of drought. That meant 3 bad years for crops.

We didn't make enough to keep up the payments. We worked with the banker, and I went and took a job at Wal-Mart, just to have some insurance for us and a little extra cash. But then it just got to the point where we had to let it go. I feel so ashamed, like I've let my Daddy and Grand-daddy and all my family down. Feels like a spike right through my heart. Now we live in town and I feel like all the people look at us like we're losers. I mean they know us, but we don't fit in with the town-folk and we're no longer country folk.

It don't make a lot of sense any more, how hard we worked and to end up like this? It just don't make sense.

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